Earnest Sewn at Barneys.com	First stop, Barneys.com. Known for their Co-op’s wide selection of high-end denim, I decided to peruse the website before actually jumping the 6-train up to their Madison Avenue digs. What came up were 26 different pairs of jeans on three pages. A greater portion of the offerings had names like “skinny stretch” or “stretch boot-cut pegged” (how something can be “pegged” AND “boot-cut” at the same time is beyond me). The rest were of the somewhat more forgiving fitted straight-leg variety or had slightly flared hems. But alas, nothing even close to what I’m craving. But the Barney’s site does bring to mind other things I don’t want. Faux fading, sand-blasting, whiskering, bullet holes, or any other kind of pretentious “treatment” that looks like it may have been hatched in the laboratories of Diesel. I am a hipster-scene drop-out, after all. Speaking of Diesel, for shits-and-giggles, next I stop in at their online shop. Click on “Denim” and ahoy, matey! It’s an ocean-themed layout! Might I find something surprisingly close to my dream jean? Tab-style links that say “Super Slim” and “Regular Slim” have me worried that I probably should just walk the plank right now. But I click on the least offensive title called simply “Regular” and low-and-behold I just may have found something I could step into. Called the “Hipper”, it has big wide legs and front patch pockets (it even has loops that would fit my thick belts).
Not your typical Diesel jean in the least, it comes in an assortment of washes, including the darker shade I crave. However, I can’t commit to this until I try them in person and Diesel can sometimes be out of my price range. Next, I’m flipping through the latest issue of Vogue, my least favorite of fashion mags but it’s sitting there, I’m bored, and it’s calling to me. They have a “Denim Special” edition of their “Best Of” index. There is a ridiculously cute pair of dark denim, wide legged jeans from Goldsign that are pretty much exactly what I want (though at $215, a little spendy). But when I skip over to the link Vogue has provided, that particular pair is nowhere to be found. Again, it’s all pipe cleaner-style. Still, I rip the page out of the magazine and begin a clip file folder of desirable jeans that eventually only gets 2 more pages added to it (fashion glossies seem against me as well). But it’s time to hit the stores for real.

I stop by Macy*s in Herald Square and up to the floor that houses many of the denim brands coveted by Hollywood starlets. But after a glance around, I become way too overwhelmed by the intricately embellished pockets in sea of faded blue that I quickly head down the escalator and out the door. But wait, aren’t I trying to replace a pair of vintage jeans? I decide to try the vintage clothing shops. What Goes Around Comes Around, Search and Destroy, Screaming Mimi’s, Love Saves the Day, Metropolis. The results? Nada, nada, nada, and, oh did I say “Nada”? Maybe I’ll have better luck on eBay. Several weeks of searching don’t turn up much there either (I found a cute pair of dark lovelies with home-stitched rainbow embroidery down the sides but forgot to bid). I DID win a sweet pair of 70’s red hipster narrow wale cords that fit me perfectly, however. I flip on the tube and catch the Style Network's "Fashion Police". Love Robert Verdi and therefore love this show. What is one of their stories? The new skinny jean! They show clips from LA Fashion Week and interview Morphine Generation's Erik Hart who is just singing the praises of his label's jeans. The pair he is sporting could have been spray-painted on (and makes one wonder if he ever plans on procreating) but nevertheless, he says wearing them super long and bunched at the ankles is "very cute" and the way to wear them if you have a little junk in the trunk since it balances out the hips.	Morphine Generation
Personally, I think that look bites bigtime so I'm still not biting. However, I do eventually covet a few of Morphine Generation's military pieces, but I digress.

Our sleuth in her new blues

I’ve all but given up. I come to the conclusion that jeans are a lot like love, a great one will happen when it’s supposed to, not when I’m looking. So I call off the search party and concentrate on other things: work, platform shoes, the reasons behind the current leggings epidemic, etc. One night, I’m watching television and the attention-grabbing new commercial from the Gap pops onto the screen. A bunch of cool kids dancing to Peaches and morphing from one piece of the company’s fall collection to another. I’m immediately intrigued. Upon close inspection of a Gap billboard, I spot a model wearing a pair dubbed “The Trouser”. The Trouser??? I make sure to get to the nearest Gap, pronto. And when I do, I hunt down said Trouser Jean. Dark wash? Check. Wide legs? Check. Big belt loops? Check. They even come in ankle length for wee chicks like myself. I try them on and decide that with a couple of minor alterations, they’re pretty close to perfection (and at $58, they don’t break my budget). So I hand over my Visa card and the last pair in the store in my size is soon in my bag. Years ago you couldn’t pay me to go into a Gap so who woulda thunk that they’d be my very own Jean Genie?