Miss Moss does the skinny thing	I want slouchy jeans. Seriously, I do. I know, I know! Every denim company is touting the “skinny jean” right now and apparently, the masses are following suit. Mischa, Nicole, and every Robertson Boulevard shopaholic is living in them. Just one short walk various NYC neighborhoods will also support this piece of detective work: below 14th, they're being worn with Converse and vintage 80's pumps. Move north and it's ballet flats and chunky platform heels. Unfortunately, what girls don’t realize (or want to admit) is that should you have something other than a Twizzler-shaped physique, the skinny jean-look shouldn’t even be attempted (I’d be willing to bet that these are also the lasses who wore the 3” zip super-low riders with belly-baring tees a few summers back, totally ignoring their muffin-top assets). I won’t be sporting this painted-on look for several reasons:
1) I don’t follow trends. Period. I’m so adamant against them that even if something I have worn for years has started to show up on the bods of every Seventeen magazine reading girl, I will retire the look until its mainstream moment has past. Only then will it rejoin the revolving cast of characters in my wardrobe. 2) I’m not shaped like Olive Oyl and thus would look like a turkey sausage. 3) I’m obsessed with anything nautical and slim-fit bottoms just won’t work with the sailor-look I’ve been cultivating. 4) No ifs-ands-or-butts, I’m a devoted patron of St. Bell-Bottom. And I don’t mean a wimpy boot-cut silhouette. I’m talking big and kicky, Soul Train-worthy, paired with a fat vintage belt. This is part of my own style-identity and I won’t part with it just to fit into some “look of the season”. Plus, my favorite pair of vintage big bell Mavericks circa 1971 have gone AWOL and I desperately need to replace them with something of a similar nature. Practically overnight, the super slim jean has become a national fashion obsession. Outside of the downtown rock ‘n’ roll kids who have always taken cues from 70’s punk icons (like the Ramones), a year ago, you would have been hard-pressed to find an average East Side fashionista daring enough to don a pair. But look around now, and the skinny army is impossible to miss. I refuse to enlist and last time I checked there was no draft so count me out. My mission: wide-legged jeans or bust.